Our church theme this year of DISCIPLESHIP encourages our families to faithfully participate in worship, be involved in fellowship opportunities, and grow in our faith intergenerationally. Each summer our youth and adults are headed out on multiple local and international mission trips.  Our children share in the journey by praying over and sending out each mission trip member with a bandanna which we then see in the multiple photos that follow. The children decorate lunch bags for the MUST Ministries Summer Lunch Program and fill lunch bags on our Super Summer Lunch Prep Sunday in June.  But what about the day-to-day opportunities of being a blessing and serving in our own neighborhoods?

It’s hard enough for Moms and Dads to keep up with the hustle and bustle of swim practice, VBS, and road trips. Yet, we wanted to turn the focus of our little people from themselves to others. SO, we put together a bag of goodies to take the supply gathering stress away and offer ways kids can serve this summer without packing, without shots (required for some international mission trips), and without a ton of $$ as they go about their summer.

A swift look on pinterest under ‘random acts of kindness’ and a few blogs put me on a path of creativity. I gathered goodies from the 2nd floor supply room, ordered a small handbook of service projects online, and made up a list of children’s books focusing on kindness and we are set.

The pdf with the starter ideas is here:  Summer of Service Bags

I gathered lists and printables from several places including 100 Random Acts of Kindness for Kids, Random Acts of Kindness notes, Random Acts of Kindness tags, and Light ’em Up.

The Saints Book Club list for June and July I resourced from here. We added to the list The 100 Dresses by Eleanor Estes, A Little Rees Specht Cultivates Kindness by Richard E. Specht, Jr., and Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox.  All the books should be found at the local library and focus on kindness. There is a bonus: read Wonder by R.J. Palacio (the one with the added ‘Julian’ chapter.) Eight books for June and the other eight books for July. At our Saints Book Club gatherings this summer, we will include a service component.

Some new things will be offered at the beginning of July.  For now, this will get the creative juices flowing of our kids as they adopt a summer where it’s less about me and more about we. We’ll post stories and photos in the summer newsletters as our families serve together this summer.

How will your families serve together this summer?

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Patrick Lencioni leads a consulting firm, The Table Group, specializing in executive team development and organizational health. Two of his previous books that have impacted my journey are The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, and Death By Meeting. Where the Five Dysfunctions focuses on how a group of folks interacts in order to become a cohesive team, The Ideal Team Player: How To Recognize and Cultivate The Three Essential Virtues is all about the makeup of individual team members.

In typical Lencioni fashion, the author leads the reader through a fable where the premise of an ideal team player is defined, recognized, and developed. This storytelling brings the reader into a situation where the success of an organization is determined by the hiring of a team member. A nephew was hired by a successful uncle to help creatively lead his construction company. Over lunch, the uncle shares he has medical issues meaning he is going to step aside and hand over the entire organization to the nephew. Oh, and there are two major jobs they just got and they’ll have to hire close to 80 people to pull it off. Here we go.

There is drama, there is juggling, and there is a great deal of dialogue. Love me some dialogue where talking through stuff is the major function of a team.  There are interviews (great questions and situational processes), there are systems, there are situations of culture building to carry on the ideal team following the hiring. In the process, they determine that the ideal team player must have three virtues:

The ideal team player must be HUNGRY…They go beyond what is required, passionate about the work they’re doing (not just passionate about other stuff, but passionate about the work), always looking for more to learn, self-motivated, diligent, thinking about the next step, next opportunity and they ‘loathe the idea that they might be perceived as slackers.’

The ideal team player must be SMART…people smart: referring to a person’s common sense about people, knowing how to say, what to say, and how to act, ‘which is a lot more than being nice.’ They ask good questions, listen to what others are saying, and stay engaged in conversations. Smart people have good judgment and ‘intuition around the subtleties of group dynamics.’

The ideal team player must be HUMBLE…They are quick to point out the contributions of others, lack excessive ego or concerns about status, share credit, and emphasize team over self.  Even if someone has the skill set to take on a role on the team, if they treat people with preference or bias, they are not the ideal team player.

Are you an ideal team player? I admit, I have some work to do. That’s why I read these books.  The author speaks into how to become an ideal team player: practice what you want to be. Lencioni even lays out situations and scenarios of how to practice and boost your ‘idealness’ (my word, not his.)  A quick read with a story to share.

The author closes the book with ‘apart from the other two virtues, humility stands alone. It is, indeed, the greatest of all virtues and the antithesis of pride, which is the root of all sin, according to the Bible. The most compelling example of humility in the history of mankind can be found in Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity. He attracted people of all kinds when he walked the earth, and continues to do so today, providing an example of humility that is as powerful as it is countercultural.’

Are you an ideal team player? It’s the person who walks in the combination of all three virtues: hungry, humble, and smart.

“For He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:14

Last week I shared the ‘pop-up’ for me in the first part of the book, Leadership Pain. At the end of each chapter is the line, “And remember: you’ll grow only to the threshold of your pain.” Finishing the book this week there were several areas that further resonated with me.

A testimony from a pastor of a church in Nashville wrote, “Pain is unavoidable, but I’ve learned it isn’t eternal.” Another testimonial shared, “We can’t stop what happens to us, but we can certainly stop what happens in us.” If you are in the midst of a season of leadership pain, it is difficult to look out 3 months, 6 months, a year from now, but it helped me tremendously to think the situation could not go on forever. The line from Steel Magnolias comes to mind, “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.” But what if the professional pain feels like it’s killing you? I would go to page 182.

It’s on page 182 that I found the life preserver I’d been looking for, “Be certain of this: when you suffer the pains of leadership, God is trusting you to weather the storm and represent him to a watching world.” What? God is trusting me? My world is watching me?  “God has put you in a position to display His kindness, wisdom, and power in the midst of your heartache.”  Whew! The author continues, “When we’re in pain, it may not seem like much of a privilege to represent God at that moment and at that place, but God himself has appointed us, empowered us, and placed us ‘for such a time as this.’ He trusts us to endure with grace. The moment of pain, then, is a point of high honor earned by faithfulness, effectiveness, reputation, and proven character. It’s an honor and a challenge to be God’s representative in a time of heartache.” What a statement!  When I naturally respond by fight or flight, I am invited to yield. My heart is hurting and God knows. This is my chance to display not blame, not vengeance, not anger, but His kindness, His wisdom, and His power in the midst of my heartache.

The author closes the book in chapter 10 with the challenge to find and build pain partners. In a terrible time of King David’s life, he had his mighty men.  David’s mighty men were totally loyal to him, loved him, knew him well enough to notice when he was in need. We also need mighty men/women. The challenge: Friendships such as these take time and have to be in place before the crisis hits.  Like the friends who dropped the paralytic in through the roof, when our faith falters, we all need friends who share a similar call into leadership who can carry us, and whom we can carry along for a season. The author warns us to be selective though. Jesus took a chosen three when He went into the Garden of Gethsemane to come closer…Peter, James, and John…they were His pain partners. They didn’t get it right all the time, but they were invited to come closer.

Characteristics to build these pain partner friendships?

(1) Listen…really listen…to hearts, not just words. Plan to listen for the long haul. What is your question-to-statement ratio? Are you engaging in conversation…tossing the convo ball back and forth…or just offering statements, announcements, info.

(2) Revealing…”relationships deepen gradually through a slow dance of self-disclosure.” Will I continue to wear the mask, or be ‘on’, or does our shared faith permit us to be honest without judgment? And here’s the hard part: do we invite others to be revealing without offering advice or judgment? Lord, help this naturally ENTJ gal to check my J at the door!

(3) Finding common ground…others who share your call, your position, your profession, not to give advice, but to ‘listen and love without strings attached.’ Without expectation…no strings attached.

I have pain partners – professional friendships who will speak truth into my life and who invite me to speak into theirs or just sit and share sacred space.  It seems we don’t have enough margin in our lives to make the time for such gatherings, but I would die without them.

The testimonials throughout the book were shared by men and women in pastoral, para-church, non-profits who further the cause of Christ in our world. Many were from outside the US.  Most were on the other side of their leadership pain. Sheryl Brady from Plano, Texas offered precious insight, “I thought my painful position would destroy me, but it was really just a place for my personal preparation. It was never meant to work there because it was simply a training ground. I fasted there, but it wasn’t for there. I served there, but it wasn’t for there. I prayed there, but it wasn’t for there…I couldn’t see where all the pain would lead, but He could…This is when you must keep going, step by step, day by day. This is when your hungry heart must follow the daily bread crumbs God always gives and accept that you have enough hope for today.”

Looking back on that painful season through this book, the daily bread crumbs God offered by the hands of my family (my children were the world that watched me and they still love the local church as I do), my pain friends (children’s ministry colleagues and mentors who helped me laugh through tears), and remaining in the written word of God (I’ll never forget the day I turned the page and discovered John 12:7a) grew my trust muscle like nothing else.

Today I serve in a healthy, ‘Spirit of Yes’, and kind local church.  Today I even get to serve outside my local church pouring into the lives of others answering the call into professional ministry with children and families. Today I get phone calls and emails from others who are living through painful leadership seasons. Some have persevered to find their emotional legs and continue to follow their calling into professional ministry. One suggested this book make my reading list and I am so glad she did. One is no longer in ministry…no longer even an active part of a local church. I will call her this week and offer what I have: some daily crumbs. Because that’s what pain friends are for.

“Sometimes you have to walk with Him for a while to realize just how good He is.” Sheryl Brady

Asked why I was invited to mentor a precious group of Children’s Ministry professionals for the next six months, I responded, “I think because I had outwitted, outplayed, outlasted and been voted off the island, but I am still in the game.” We laughed.

I LOVE God’s call on my life to professional ministry with a focus on faith building in children and their families. My professional development includes being connected to a networking group for more than 10 years, sharing life with several mentors who speak truth and laughter in my life, listening to podcasts (EntreLeadership and The Bregman Leadership Podcast), and reading books.

Leadership Pain: The Classroom For Growth shares in personal stories, insights, and practical exercises to live less confused by the pain we experience in our roles and process through it. The author, Samuel R. Chand, is a mentor to pastors. The book is written for leaders in ministries and non-profits and opens with “Leadership – all leadership – is a magnet for pain.”

Resonating with me is our need for ambidextrous faith: holding God’s blessings in my right hand and life’s challenges in my left hand, ‘trusting God to use both to accomplish his divine purposes in and through him.’ The book is not a treatise on the biblical analysis of pain, but rather a help to understand the external challenges, internal stresses, and growing pains of leadership so that every heartache, hurt, and disappointment doesn’t stop me in my tracks.

One testimony in particular struck a chord with me.  A Pastor in Orlando shared, “In life, you can’t heal yourself; it takes relationships to heal you.”  From the colleague driving over an hour to greet me at the door with flowers, the visiting young missionary family who stayed at our home offering that ‘working at a church is like passing a brick…it’s painful, it’s gonna leave a mark, and there’s going to be blood for a long time’ (young guys, huh?), and the prayers of my networking group which I stayed with even when it was awkward. Laments aren’t sub-Christian; they are part of a vibrant , authentic walk with God.

What are the relationships that heal you?

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

This ‘sin talk’ is appropriate for older elementary and confirmation age.  The office dots lesson I did teach to preschoolers…then let them loose in the ‘drama center’ with a sheet of dots and baby dolls.  Do I teach on ‘sin’ every week? No. But we have to ‘go there’…because God did…and Jesus did in the biggest of ways to die for our sins that separate us from God and others.  Vocabulary matters.  I have an obligation to introduce the vocabulary of salvation and peace.  Sin is in the mix. This is how I do it.

Supplies:
Bible
Smoothie straws
Office dots (if you can’t get bullseyes, place several of these around the room)
Paper Archery Bullseyes (if you can get them, place around the room)
Peanut M&Ms (biggest bag you can find)
Bright, Red Lipstick

Opening discussion/statements:
Sin is like a dirty dog in a clean kitchen.
Sin separates us from others/puts up a barrier between me and others, but most importantly, it separates me from God. Only Jesus can remove the barrier that sin causes to separate us from God.
Activity:  Obedience is when we obey immediately, completely, and sweetly. Using the office dots, invite a volunteer to stand up front as you toss out scenarios when a typical kid would not obey Mom immediately (asked to turn off the video game and you don’t), then completely (asked to brush your teeth and you only wet the toothbrush), then sweetly (stomping feet up the stairs). After each scenario, place an office dot on the face of the volunteer kid. But then share that ‘when we repent/turn away’ and ask for forgiveness, the dots are removed.

Lesson:

SIN in the Old Testament – Pair share: What is a rule you have at your house? How many rules do you have at your house? (Adam and Eve had only one rule: don’t eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Adam had two jobs: guard the garden – think hockey goalie, and name the animals. Guarding the garden meant keeping the one rule.)

• Introduce the Rule Of First Mention (how a word/phrase is used the first time in the scriptures helps set the tone for the following uses of that word/phrase). For instance, the punishment for Adam after the fall was to leave the garden and gather/grow their food from among the ‘thorns and the thistles’… when Jesus was crucified, when and where do you hear about ‘thorns and thistles’?  – SIN is first mentioned in Genesis 4:6
• Who’s word is SIN? God’s
• Hebrew word “chattah” (khat-taw-aw) means ‘an offense against someone we know’…Mom, Dad, brother, sister, neighbor, etc.
• Payment for that sin was to face a perfect lamb/goat/pigeon (look at a volunteer straight in the eyes) and slit it’s throat once a year at the temple.  Ask: Is that how we say ‘we’re sorry’ or make a wrong right today?

Sin in the New Testament – Read 1 John 1:8-2:3,6

• Greek word “hamartano” (ham-ar-tan’-o) means “to miss the mark so as not to share in the prize,”…an archery term
• Bullseye? To be like Jesus = Pleasing God by loving God and loving others
• Activity: Place the paper bullseyes/dots around the room. Teach how to make a spit ball. Kids use straws and paper to make spit balls and spit through straws trying to the hit the bullseye (they can not move  for the first 2-3 minutes of trying to hit the bullseye with the spitball…then invite the kids to do whatever it takes to hit the bullseye.)
• Pair Share: When did you hit the bullseye? (when I was closest to the bullseye/target/Jesus…the bullseye never moves, but the students move.) Jesus is the bullseye, not our friends, or anyone else. JESUS!

Judas Sin – Read Mark 14:43-46

• Judas SIN is that sin that comes at you looking like a friend (not the same for everyone). Judas greeted Jesus in the garden with a kiss (customary greeting of a friend back-in-the-day/like a handshake or a hug today). The meaners did not know which man was Jesus (He didn’t glow or wear white like the paintings and pictures show us. He looked just like everyone else…only his words and actions were different.)
• I confess to the kids that my Judas Sin (drumrollllllllll…big deal presentation) = Peanut M&Ms (pretty, bright yellow bag, darlin’ size, colorful, yummy…and before I know it, the whole bag is gone.) Ugh!
• Pair Share: What is your Judas sin? (video games, friends, that something that takes up WAY too much space and WAY too often in your head.)

Boundaries & Free Will – Read 1 Corinthians 10:23-24, Philippians 2:14

• Using lipstick as I speak…Life and I are pretty when I stay within the boundaries of what is right in God’s sight, and ugly (draw the lipstick way outside the boundaries of my lips) when I don’t stay within the boundaries of what is right in God’s sight.  Wait out the drama of putting on the lipstick…they can’t believe you are going to draw all over your face with lipstick, so when you actually do it, they roar. Note: Have a wet wipe handy…it’s pretty much the only thing that can get lipstick off your face if you plan to run to the grocery store after church.

“God will not reveal His will to the curious, but only to the obedient.” Week 4, Disciple 1