The local church I serve is going through a discernment process for how the congregation will move forward into the future. I affectionately call them ‘Family Meetings’.

#1 Son and Baby Girl never liked family meetings when they were growing up, but they were absolutely necessary for the health of our family. Family meetings meant we would be walking into a difficult season or resetting from a difficult season. We could expect the first ten minutes of the Reilly Family Meetings to be awful as we faced some elephant in the room, but afterwards we’d always be okay, even better over time. Nobody liked Family Meetings, but they were necessary to share information, offer space to process the information, then respond and move forward as one family in the healthiest way. 

In many local United Methodist Churches, this Family Meeting process is covered in prayer and lots of information. Lots of information. Lots. Of. Information. Study and prayer.

My church leadership has sought to make a way so that everyone can BE heard, BE informed, and BE loved through the Family Meeting process. A task force composed of amazing Jesus guys and gals has led the way. I’ve covered them daily in the armor of God through prayer.

As a staff member of the local church we’ve been asked to continue to plan for and prepare in a neutral position to engage in our community in ministry and mission. As a peculiar people (see last week’s post) I’ve seen the fruit of that with new families participating in women’s Bible studies, children’s Bible studies, religious badge clinics, recreational soccer, special events, local and international missions, and a sermon series diving deeply into 1 John. We have Jesus work to do and have no time to be distracted, sloppy, nor halt everything until.

Take Courage: The Book of Haggai is a wonderful small group study authored by Jennifer Rothschild. She uses Jeremiah 29:4-9 to lay out three practices of a woman in exile (in a foreign land) which speaks to how to navigate through a place we did not ask for, yet here we are: (1) Participate with it by planting, building, increasing, multiplying, (2) Pursue God in it through daily study, model with my whole heart and mind, and (3) be Patient with the exile, patient with myself, patient with the process. Rothschild finishes with the promise of faithfully participating, pursuing, and being patient: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12.

Though chatter is thick, the navigational beacons to share the goodness and faithfulness of our Triune God have remained clear because I’ve worked through my own three BEs.

Be in prayer.
Lord, let me not be distracted from doing the work of growing in Christian community through sharing the gospel of Jesus. Let me not sin in any of it through word or deed. You alone are trustworthy and I trust You to make a way for the littles and bigs to love You with their whole hearts for their whole lives. Let me faithfully drip, drip, drip into the faith buckets of the families I serve. For those who are serving on my local church’s task force, I pray Your full Armor upon them, as shared in Ephesians 6. Amen. 

Be clearly informed.
The chatter is about many issues. I’ve discerned the good, the beautiful, and the true as best I can. For the rest I have to stay out of the weeds and trust the Lord to work out the details. As a pilgrim on the Walk to Emmaus in 2000 we were challenged to study church history. Outright craziness! How in the world can the church still be around?!? Yet here are. A holy remnant I hope to be. Even now I’m enrolled in a great online class about the church and leaders of the era around King Henry VIII and Martin Luther entitled, “Off With Their Heads”  led by Brandi Diamond who served a season as a children’s ministry leader. 

Be ready for the change that is coming.
Change is coming. It’s unreasonable to think anything will remain the same regardless of what happens. We have been actively (or reactively) engaged in change for quite some time now. We’ve gone through a shift in family rhythms, routines, culturally, and can truthfully report that everything is still changing. So the gospel of Jesus my focus must be. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever and oh, how I love Him. This is where being clearly informed will be helpful to navigate the flux in the flex. I’ve become a student of my families to know seasons, holidays, work rhythms, and am involved in their lives even if only online through social media with an attaboy for riding a bike without training wheels, losing a tooth, winning a contest, and so much more. So I’ll move forward with my plans to expand Faith Milestones beyond the local church to home in 2023 and beyond. Stay tuned because we have Jesus work to do and have no time to wait. 

In the words of the MasterChief voice on my Waze app, “Stay the course.” 

“‘You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:13-14b

Christians are supposed to be peculiar (odd, strange, unusual). We wear the name of Jesus Christ when we call ourselves Christians no differently than we carry our last names signifying what family we belong to. I would never be a sloppy Reilly, how can I settle for being a sloppy (careless, unsystematic, excessively casual) Christian living out a sloppy discipleship?

The word peculiar shows up seven times in the King James scriptures, in 1 Peter 2:9, “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light;” and my personal favorite, “Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.” Titus 2:14

In KJV days, peculiar meant “belongs exclusively to some person, group, or thing” or to refer to “a property or privilege belonging exclusively or characteristically to a person.”

Our choice to be peculiar goes along with ‘being holy (set apart) because God is holy.’ Set apart should look peculiar (odd, strange, unusual) and easily identified as belonging exclusively to Jesus, not sloppy (careless, unsystematic, excessively casual).  I am not my own with my own agenda or driven by my own cause. I’m to be peculiar and not sloppy in what I do, how I think, in my drives and motivations, and how I respond to the world around me.

In a world where everything caters and is programmed around me and my preferences (cell phone, Netflix choices, radio channels, spotify playlists, Amazon wish lists, etc.) I’m so grateful that the local church is not. It’s not supposed to be.

I need the local church to sharpen my peculiarity and not permit me to be sloppy in my discipleship. The local church is a critical means of growth for healthy, peculiar Christians and healthy, peculiar Christians are needed in the local church to guard against straying outside the navigational beacons of teaching to make disciples of the Jesus-of-the-Bible in the face of competing and contradictory agendas.

Peculiar Christians are generous, percentage givers, they set aside regular time in God’s Word, spend regular time teaching littles about Jesus (Jesus calls them the ‘kingdom of God’- Matthew 18:1-6), don’t hold a grudge, teach others with a sense of urgency, let others go first, don’t forsake gathering together in some place, work hard as unto the Lord, are involved in a local church to serve others, and guard their hearts and minds from competing and contradictory agendas. These peculiar actions are not out of duty, far from it. I do these things out of love for the One and Only who left Heaven to make a way for me to be made right with the perfect, holy God of the universe.

Here are some guardrails I’ve put in place to help me choose peculiarity over sloppiness.

Stop following influencers and be the model of peculiarity in my own world. Following Jesus is the only way to grow in peculiarity for Him. Spending more daily time following influencers online will make me poor in my pocketbook and my spirit. Getting the guidance for how I should live in this world through a platform outside the Bible is sloppy. “He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.” Proverbs 12:11

Stop doing only that which is in my comfort zone. Only when I serve outside my comfort zone will I truly be inviting the Lord to do His work in me. Satisfied with being average, safe, or doing the bare minimum is sloppy. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Stop comparing myself to others. My standard for peculiarity must be Jesus and not the celebrity Christian who rolls in my feed (this is set by an algorithm or someone trying to sell me something) or who I think is the most spiritual person in the room just because they’ve been in the room the longest. Tossing my hands up just to keep the peace or because it’s hard is sloppy. “Thou shalt not covet.” Exodus 20:17

Stop waiting for permission. I’m over sitting at tables of collaboration and leadership only to continue to hear, “Let’s wait until….” It’s going to be inconvenient. I’m going to get pushback. I’m going to be told all the logical reasons why we shouldn’t. I’m over it! If the disciples had waited, the gospel would have never made it to me. I don’t like being in trouble anymore than the next person, but for goodness sake, our Great God can be trusted with the outcome and I have decided to follow Jesus. Let me set aside my selfish vices to submit to the Lord’s commands to go and make disciples teaching. We are in the mission field everywhere we go and “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

I confess that I slip into spiritual sloppiness when I’m tired, when I’m hurt, when I compare, when I have to be right, when I wear a critical spirit like a new pair of boots, and when I spend more time on my phone rather than in His Word. How do I move out of it? I repent and pray for it: a God-glorifying, Jesus-pleasing Christian peculiarity. It’s lonely and takes courage to pray for such a thing, but He is so worth it.

“Anything that would hinder us from the closest walk possible with Jesus Christ is not for us.” Amy Carmichael, missionary to India for 55 years without furlough

Calendaring for the next 18-24 months calls for a level of fearlessness when facing the following seven big BUTS of Children’s Ministry:

BUT IT’S NOT THE WAY WE’VE ALWAYS DONE IT – Refreshing and editing ministry must be a constant if we intend on being relevant. 20% of each year’s programming should be as a result of an update, an edit, something new, or delayed/postponed.  Informally debrief after every event and after each special Sunday so energy and excitement builds and remains. Rename it. Change the season/date. Start small to get the kinks out so that people know you are hearing them.

BUT FAMILIES ARE SO BUSY – Learn the rhythm of your community, not just your local church. With the exception of Sunday (Sunday is Game Day!), clear your schedule for your volunteers and families the first few weeks and the last six weeks of the school year. Families are trying to get accustomed to new normals, schedules, and filling out all that paperwork that is required at the beginning of the year. May has become more congested for families than December. Reach out in prayer and encouragement, but give your families easy wins. When you calendar, choose what is best. Consider what you used to do annually to offering every other year. Remember that Sunday programming is your bread and butter. Treat it with even greater planning and preparation as you would a special event.

BUT IT’S NOT ON THE CALENDAR – Just because others in your church don’t calendar 18-24 months in advance, doesn’t mean you can’t. Call a calendaring meeting and see who comes. Set your working calendar in pencil and get your stuff on the calendar first with the plan that if something else comes up, you respond with grace and a spirit of collaboration. Calendaring is partnering.

BUT WE’RE A SMALL CHURCH – Churches that are growing deeper are the ones with greater intentionality of forming circles and not just rows as they share life, share interests, and share a heart for others in inter-generational service as a result of Bible reading and study. Relationships grow more quickly and deeper in small groups, so take advantage of these small moments with great fruit. Let go of the thought that everything needs to be a Broadway production and make the faith-formation experiences more personal, more participatory, and more thoughtful.

BUT WE DON’T HAVE THE BUDGET NOR THE SPACE – Think what Jesus used: his feet, his words, his posse, and what he had on hand. Whatever you have, invite other local churches’ kidmin to join your kids for a different experience. Whatever the other local churches’ kidmin is doing, call and ask if you can bring a group of kids for a shared experience once or twice each year. When the bottom fell out of the stock market just a few months after I was brought on to start a family ministry at a church financed primarily by retired college professors, I prayed and got creative with what was available and in my hands. Bands and sports camps came on campus each week. Each night I sold hot Little Caesar’s pizza out the back of my car along with ice-cold waters and Gatorades for three entire summers to finance for three years the ministry God had called me to lead. Sunday through Thursday from 10pm-1am. Fruitful ministry and oh the relationships and connections. Use what you have and let the Lord do the multiplying.

BUT WE DON’T HAVE THE VOLUNTEERS – Who do you have? Then raise up and train folks to be the volunteers. I’d sit in the sanctuary during services and ask the Lord to show me who to invite. Stay off the struggle-bus of negativity and wishing for what you don’t have. Give the volunteers you do have the joy and wonder of using the spiritual gifts handed to each one by their Creator. I make a way for 4th & 5th graders (the oldest in my lane of influence) to be taught and experience the joy of serving our Lord in their home church. I’m looking down the road to train up servant-leaders for this and their future local churches. Think of yourself like a general contractor enlisting the help and gifts of sub-contractors to build His house.

BUT NO ONE COMES TO SUNDAY SCHOOL ANYMORE – Thinking of the local church becoming more decentralized, we must offer Christian Education on Sunday morning and beyond. I do love Sunday school because it builds sticky faith and sticky relationships, so I schedule the really special things to take place during the Sunday school hour. Edit what you are doing maybe with a name change. Try new arrangements in discipleship. We are not event-planners. We provide environments where we ‘make disciples and teach.’ We ‘make disciples’ in teaching and letting little people and their families practice what they learn so they become more like Jesus. The first thing Jesus did when he called his disciples was to ‘teach them.’ Sunday morning is our bread and butter, but it can look differently and be called something different to build energy, build buzz, build relationships, and fulfill the vision of the church and the Great Commission. Keeping my focus on deep relationships with Jesus and with one another, God and our children’s ministry leadership can figure it out. We have more resources available today than any other time in history. Let’s use them!

There has never been a more exciting time to edit, make new, and update what it takes to point littles and their bigs to Jesus in the local church. The kids you are leading will be the leadership and the innovators in the local church today and tomorrow. Let’s model prayerful editing, innovation, and accept the tension of BUTS with creativity and joyful obedience. I imagine you deal with your own set of BUTS. How are you overcoming your BIG BUTS in ministry with children and families?

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, BUT WITH GOD all things are possible.’” Matthew 19:26

(This blog was originally posted in May 2019, but I needed to hear it again. Maybe you did, too.)

The first time I heard Melissa Mashburn speak was at the She Leads Church online conference. She’s clear, organized, and living in the trenches of local ministry with a history of wearing multiple hats. Her posts are encouraging and her redemption story includes her mother-in-law. Sweetness! I joined her Ministry Chick Facebook group immediately after the conference and have been an Instagram follower every since.

She’s written a book and it’s an absolute delight! Ministry Chick: Find Your Community, Own Your Leadership, Take your Step! Throughout the book she repeats a message that ‘you, Sister, were made for more’. She covers most of the major themes we all have or will encounter as a female leader in ministry reminding the reader that her identity is always in Christ. Her writing is like we’re sitting on the back porch in a small group holding multiple conversations going on at the same time. The wisdom is just that good and I felt I was drinking from a fire hose.

The wisdom is for all women in ministry. The quiet servant who loves behind the scenes and those of us who wear ‘too muchness’ like a new jean jacket.

She speaks about setting core values as guardrails in the ministry which serve as
protective barriers to keep me safe, healthy, and on track thereby resisting the wind gusts of other people’s opinions and values. This is just the thing to set aside the people-pleaser in many women in ministry, or is that just me?

The book is sprinkled with multiple Chick Chats. Chick Chats are insights gathered from the amazing and diverse women within the Ministry Chick online community. These women are making decisions every day, serving our great God in Christian community, leading others, and oh the stories they have to tell. Melissa kindly and graciously shares in several places my own experiences and stories I have shared within that amazing community.

Want to know if your voice matters? “If you want to think about it from a 30,000-foot view, your voice, as a woman, represents roughly about 60% of your church, ministry, or organization. This means it is imperative that you use your voice to represent your team, experiences, and thoughts.” Melissa Mashburn, Ministry Chick

The last section of the book is about taking your next, best step with a holy confidence and a healthy humility. The book closes with a fantastic Group Discussion Guide.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book and can’t wait for the conversations to begin.

“It’s the coolest thing to see a woman who has a holy confidence and healthy humility. She knows who she is, and she knows Whose she is, and she is not afraid to be all her and give Him all the glory.” Melissa Mashburn, Ministry Chick