Faith sticks when little people can experience the family stories of the Bible through their five senses. The greatest story ever told is the Good News of Jesus. With Easter coming, we are preparing for a sticky faith formation experience for Palm Sunday’s Sunday school hour. The goal is to introduce vocabulary and give a time line of what happened. I share with our littles that this is the greatest story ever told because it’s about our best friend, Jesus. There are some really happy parts and some really sad parts, but the ending is AMAZING!

Family Friendly Holy Week Stations

1. Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane.
After Jesus had His LAST SUPPER with His buddies, and sang a song, He went out to pray.
Luke 22:39-43 “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.”
Item: Praying Hands, Communion Cup and plate
Did you know? Nowhere else in scripture did God kneel on this earth, but here. How often do you kneel before God?

2. Jesus was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane.
While Jesus was asking his buddies to “Watch and pray,” Judas, one of the 12, arrived. At once Judas came up to Jesus and kissed Jesus. Then a crowd came and arrested Jesus.
Matthew 26:47-50 “While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the Meaners of the people. ‘The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.’ Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him. Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him.”
Item: Handcuffs, leather cord, chains (the bigger and the heavier, the better)
Did you know? Jesus came back to his buddies to ask them to “Watch and Pray” 3 times. Do you have buddies you can ask to “Watch and Pray?” Pray that God will send them to you.

3. Jesus was taken to the religious leaders.
The Meaners took Jesus to the chief priests, elders and teachers of the law looking for evidence against Jesus so they could put him to death.
Mark 14:61-64 “The meaners took Jesus to the high priest and the whole Sanhedrin who were looking for evidence against Jesus. They all agreed to send Jesus to die. Then some began to spit at him; they blindfolded him, struck him with their fists, and yelled at him. And the guards took him and beat him.”
Item: a Pastor’s stole
Did you know? The religious leaders were afraid of how the people loved Jesus. Are you afraid of people who love Jesus?

4. Jesus taken to the government leaders.
Since the religious leaders were not allowed by law to put someone to death, they sent Jesus to the government leader to put Jesus to death.
John 18:28-37 “In the early morning, the meaners took Jesus to the palace of the Roman governor named Pilate. Pilate asked Jesus “What have you done?” Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not from this world. My kingdom is not from here.” “You are a king, then!” said Pilate.”
Item: Judge’s gavel
Did you know? Pilate wanted to let Jesus go and thought that having Jesus “spanked” would be enough punishment for the crowd. Do you let other people make you do things you know are wrong?

5. Pilate hands Jesus over to be beaten.
John 19:1-3 “Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail king of the Jews!” And they struck him in the face.”
Item: Crown of thorns and leather whip.
Did you know? The first mention of “thorns” in the bible comes in Genesis as part of the punishment of Adam and Eve as they leave the Garden of Eden and were then required to grow their own food among the “thorns and the thistles.”

6. Pilate hands Jesus over to be crucified.
John 19:16- “So the meaners took charge of Jesus. Carrying his own cross, Jesus went out to the place of the Skull (which is called Golgotha).”
Item: Railroad tie, cross beams, cross the kids can pick up and hoist onto their shoulders
Did you know? that the sickness of sin and selfishness is heavy? Do you really want to carry around something that separates you from God?

7. Simon helps Jesus carry the heavy cross.
Luke 23:26 “As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced Simon to help Jesus carry the cross.”
Item: Table mirror or cross kids can pick up and hoist onto their shoulders here, instead.
Did you know? That someone helped Jesus carry His cross when it got too heavy? Would you help Jesus carry His cross?

8. Many of the ladies who loved Jesus followed him crying.
Luke23:27 “A large number of people follow him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. Jesus turned to them and said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children.”
Item: Box of Kleenex
Did you know? The term “Daughter” is a term of endearment for a family member. Jesus was claiming these ladies as part of his family. Even though He was going through a bad time, Jesus still thought of others. Do you claim Jesus as part of your family?

9. The Meaners take Jesus’ clothes.
John 19:23-When the meaners crucified Jesus; they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. “Let’s not tear it,” they said to one another. “Let’s decide by lot who will get it.” This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled which said, “They divided my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.” (Psalm 22:18)
Item: Dice, purple/scarlet robe
Did you know? It is a great insult to human dignity to rob a person of everything, even his clothing. Most of us will never know the shame and suffering of being penniless and virtually naked in a public place, as many of the homeless on the streets of our cities today. Have you offered anything to help clothe the people in our community?

10. Jesus on the cross.
Luke 23:33-34 “When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Item: Nails, rubber mallet
Did you know? Jesus could have zapped those who mocked/made fun of him – but he suffered through it all because he loved even his enemies. Does this even matter? Does Jesus matter to you? How?

11. Criminals speak to Jesus
Luke 23:39-43 “One of the criminals who hung there hurled/yelled insults at Jesus: he said, “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t’ you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today, you will be with me in paradise.”
Item: First Aid kit, Stephen Ministry kit
Did you know? From the very words of Jesus, it’ll take no longer than a day to get to heaven. Do you only pray to ask for Jesus to rescue you, bless you, protect you? Is it all about you?

12. Jesus asked for something to drink.
John 19:28-30 “Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty,” A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. When Jesus had received the drink, Jesus said,”It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”
Item: Vinegar in various cups, sponges to smell and touch
Did you know? This vinegar was a cheap wine that the Roman soldiers drank while waiting for those crucified to die. Do you offer Jesus your whole life, the best of you (everyday prayer, bible reading, regular giving, and regular church attendance), or a cheap life (prayer only when you are in trouble, don’t use your bible at all, giving what’s left over, and choosing anything else over church attendance)?

13. Jesus dies on the cross
Luke 23:44-46 “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.”
Item: Altar cross covered in black sheeting
Did you know? Complete darkness covered the earth from noon until 3pm after Jesus died on the cross. All nature seemed to mourn over the stark tragedy of the death of God’s Son. Sunday matters because of what happened on Friday.

14. Jesus is laid in the tomb.
John 19:38-42 “Later, Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate for the body of Jesus. Now Joseph was a disciple/follower of Jesus, but secretly because he feared the Jews. With Pilate’s permission, he came and took the body away. He and Nicodemus, the man who earlier had visited Jesus at night, took Jesus’ body, wrapped it in strips of linen, with spices. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs. At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there. A stone was placed over the entrance.”
Item: Heart-shaped stone, Resurrection Garden pot, a plant.
Did you know? John 3:16 God loved . . . God gave . . . We believe and trust/ put our weight on it . . . We receive eternal life, new life, Christ life. What will you do now with what you know?

15. Jesus is Alive!
Item: Basketful of empty eggs, live plant, live lily
Did you know? That God loves you so much, He sent his one and only Son, Jesus, to take the punishment for our sins (when we don’t love God and don’t love others) so that we can go to the big party in heaven one day when our time on earth is done. Jesus is preparing a place for all who love Him in Heaven. This is another amazing part: In the mean time, God wants us to talk like Jesus, and act like Jesus, by showing love to God and others. One way to do that is telling others the Good News that Jesus came to show us God’s love for us and others. Who will you tell this week? Another way to do that is to help someone in need. Who will you help today?

You can place the information in plastic stand-up frames which can be placed at each station, or use a small, cheap photo book with the information if the stations are not in one location.

Let me know of other ideas to keep the story fresh and new in the hearts of our families and in my own heart. A good challenge each year is to discover something new about the Easter story to share with your little people. This IS the Good News…may we be found faithful in sharing it well and in a way that lets little people and their families engage in conversation about our great Jesus.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
1 John 3:18 NIV

(This blog was originally posted in February 2013)

Many women have modeled for me the different stages of a woman’s life: my mother was a scrappy entrepreneur, most of Team Reilly’s family traditions came from my stepmother, Chantal was my first prayer partner, Cindy S pushed me to lead, Kate showed me how to take risks, Rowena pointed me to the healing and resurrection power of God’s Holy Word. I watch Sheila be a loving mother-in-law and grandmother, listen to Rhoda teach me how to measure ministry, Cindy C gently reminds me by her life to be aware of the needs of others. These women and many others have directed, modeled, and nurtured my heart to be seen, be named, and be drawn out.

This is the closing blog on the fifth factor from Dr. Leonard Sax’s book Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. Parts 1-3 can be found here, here, and here. Dr. Sax shares story upon story about factor #5: the loss of positive role models. “A boy does not naturally become a gentleman by which I mean a man who is courteous, kind, and unselfish. That behavior is not hardwired. It has to be taught.” (pg 202)

Think about it….even movies and television shows today do not show men as heroes unless the main character has a superpower or wears a cape. The dads are typically portrayed as bumbling idiots who are unaware, unwise, and ridiculous or abusive. This gal was raised by a John Wayne and Andy Griffith fan. Get my drift? We still have masculine heroes in some of our movies (Gladiator, Avatar, Titanic, Three Musketeers), but ‘script-writers seem unable to write a believable story about a boy becoming a heroic man, without supernatural powers, set in our era.‘ (pg 212) “If we fail to provide boys with pro-social models of the transition to adulthood, they will construct their own, which may not be so positive and constructive.” (pg 205) The Boy Scouts was founded in 1910 with the explicit goal of making men of little boys and fostering an independent manhood.

In Chapter 10 of Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, the authors speak of nurturing a boy’s heart where the heart is the center and basis for all spiritual life…’his entire inner being and how he is created to be.’ We are called to do three things:

We must SEE HIM – to love a boy well we must be a student of him. We must know more than just what makes him tick or ticks him off. We study our boys with a curiosity and appreciation who he is, but even more than that. Be a student of your boys with a vision for who they will become. All those years of studying my son and his friends have given me wonderful stories to share with his wife and will share with his son. When the Promise Keepers movement was prominent in faith formation of men several decades ago, they offered a conference named Promise Keepers for Boys. The men in my home church traveled and provided this experience for my son and many of his friends. One on one. Then these men came back and invested in each of the boys in their charge with time, adventure, antique cars, laughter. These men SAW these young boys and spoke truth of God’s call on their lives in the present and in the future. They are still connected today.

We must NAME HIM – ‘To name someone means that we have profound and intimate relationship with him.’ Nicknames are a great example of the power of names. They are often terms of endearment used by close family or friends or admirers. If you SEE your boys well (been curious about him, developed an appreciation of his uniqueness, and gained a vision for him), ‘it’s likely that you will be motivated to speak what you have seen by naming him.’ If it is accurate, we offer a boy an identity he can’t quite see for himself, we offer a direction for his reputation, his promise and his glory that will help direct his movements and decisions going forward. When I named my son in public, he could ALWAYS trust that I would speak highly of him. Are we speaking highly of our brothers? Our husbands? Our sons? Our family?

We DRAW HIM OUT – This is where a boy’s heart is challenged, invited, coaxed, and directed toward integrity, intimacy, and to be known. In Hebrew, the word that means ‘to draw’ is hiphil. The same word translates ‘to be saved.’ This highlights the truth that the work of drawing a boy out is the work of saving him. Saving him beyond life’s disappointments, shattered dreams, and the rubble of many opinions of what it means to be a man of faith, a disciple of Jesus Christ who is our boy’s true Savior. “The truth is, a boy can do everything right and follow all the rules, but if his heart’s not in it, his life will be aimless and ultimately meaningless. A boy must be engaged with and directed in an ongoing and intimate relationship with himself, with others, and with God. It’s our job to draw him out and help him to keep his heart.” (pg 207)

Just as a kid learns best about Jesus by spending time with men and women who love Jesus, boys need men of faith who invest in their lives. Yet few men invest in children’s ministry. I’ve appealed to many men to join the ranks. My son and his rambunctious fellow 3rd-5th graders called their Sunday school teacher ‘Harry Braveheart Booth.’ This man was ready for battle with them and the distractions of life every single Sunday. I prayed for this man, regularly. I prayed for men to step into my son’s life in the areas where I could not with a joy and fire for Jesus. I pray today for older men to continue to step into my sons’ lives, and for the churches who are my grandsons’ home churches. I pray for the men who have said YES in the local church where I serve and I reach out to them often with gratitude and hope and wonder.

Oh to meet the needs of all children with the love and hope found in Jesus! The struggle is real in trying to be all things for all people who walk through our local church’s doors as well as who we meet along the sidewalks of life. As a lead in ministry with children, it is helpful to be aware of the needs of others that may not be intuitive. Though I grew up with brothers and their friends, married a boy, raised one, and feel the ministry I’ve been called to lead is realistically boy-friendly, it is important to provide an environment where men of faith in our great God get the best start possible in partnership with their amazing families. So I read, I study, and I share with you.

How are you seeing, naming, and drawing out the children in your charge?

“Without a positive male role model in your life, it’s extremely difficult to become a man who benefits his family and benefits his society.” Donald Miller

This is an ongoing blog based on becoming more boy-friendly in children’s ministry and faith formation. I am challenged by Dr. Sax’s research and ongoing family practice as laid out in his book Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. Before you think I’m picking on one gender, I just happened to read this book before Dr. Sax’s book Girls On The Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis For Girls. Future posts will come from that one.

Dr. Sax shares that factor #1 is the accelerated teaching methods for early childhood education. My insights can be found here.  Factor #2 has to do with video games. My insights can be found here. Factors #3 and #4 I will address in this blog.

Factor #3 – Dr. Sax gives story after story of how young men are prescribed drugs abundantly in America. His view: ‘the person most likely to suggest a diagnosis is a teacher’ (pg 112) and ‘boys are being put on medications to fit the boy to the school.’ (pg 125) Whatever your opinion on daily and regular medications, we have to admit that even over-the-counter medications are prevalent in every home today. As a kid I can only recall taking aspirin when I had a fever. I also can’t recall the last time a sickness was obliterated, yet there are entire industries who’s sole goal is to help us take away the symptoms that make us ‘less than what we think is our best.’ It seems like everybody’s on something and now we can get it online and dropped off in the mailbox. Even the essential oil phenomenon is a way in which families are trying to educate themselves on healthy alternatives to the crazy stuff in our food and to limit the intake of mass-produced processed medications. Which brings us to Factor #4 – Endocrine Disruptors.

There is an overwhelming amount of modern chemicals acting like human sex hormones, specifically female hormones, aka environmental estrogens. If it’s just the hormones in our beef, why are only girls going through puberty as young as 7 or 8 years old, but not boys? Puberty is out of sync. Pesticides permitted in the US from 1950s through 2010, “this product was on the market for roughly 50 years before scientists discovered its effect on puberty in boys, and another 7 years followed before the EPA took action to remove it form the market” (pg 135) and heated plastic byproducts (BPA, phthalates, pg 132). “Researchers have also found that early exposure to BPA reduces or eliminates the normal sex differences seen in the behavior of laboratory animals.” (p 137). Scary enough?

Another issue with endocrine disruptors? American parents are letting their kids decide what to eat. Anyone else remember being told to eat your spinach? And forget getting dessert EVERYDAY, much less at just about every meal. “Chemicals in the environment are changing the way fat cells work, so that they become fatter more easily and are more resistant to weight loss.” (pg 141) “Boys today drink less milk and more cola beverages than they did 30 years ago” (pg 144) which may explain the 350% increase in broken bones of children from January 2004-December 2009. (pg 144-145) “Here’s what’s scary: scientists are finding that exposure to environmental estrogens early in life, (plastic baby bottles, plastic bottle liners…isn’t plastic supposed to be safer than using glass with babies and toddlers?) particularly in utero and in early infancy, blunts or eliminates sex differences in behavior. Females become less feminine. Males become less masculine. For example, when young laboratory animals were exposed to these endocrine-disrupting chemicals, the males stopped acting like males.” (pg 145)

Wow! Take a breath.

So what does this mean for the local church and the environments we offer to our kids?

I’m using paper cups and a lot of water. When it spills, it’s not the end of the world. Kids don’t get enough water anyways. When we travel or go on field trips, I invite the kids to bring their own water bottles. Moms and Dads are doing the best they can. I won’t be getting on some soapbox for nor against medication or oils or food or whatever. I won’t offer candy every time they are in the building. I will publicly support my parent’s roles in determining what is best for their own kids. I will pray for the decisions my parents must make every single day. I wish for my parents and the families who have invited me into their lives to believe and trust that I will always speak highly of them.

In Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys these are some considerations as we seek to be boy-friendly in ministry….provide more than medicine (we don’t make that decision anyways, thankfully!) (pg 324-325)

1. Loving authority – be supportive, loving, consistent in structure (be prepared and have a plan for every part of an event/gathering)
2. Good diet – use water; caffeine, sugar, and excessive carbs drive unwanted behavior
3. Plenty of rest – one of the reasons we make the choice we do when we attend a retreat for our 3rd-5th graders is the one when they get to bed by 10pm.
4. Daily exercise – let them move!
5. Discipline toward character – not punishment, but rather logical consequences and remember that each boy, if a believer, is your BROTHER-IN-CHRIST. If not a believer, your goal is love him in such a way that he will become your BROTHER-IN-CHRIST. He is your family!

What else?

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Galatians 6:10

This is a continuing blog based on Dr. Leonard Sax’s book Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. Part 1, focusing on accelerated early childhood education, can be found here.

The second factor affecting American boys today is the impact of video games. I was surprised to hear of why they are so popular among young boys. It is not what I thought.

In complete honesty, I didn’t grow up with video games, but rather on the side of an orange grove in south Florida until my late teen years. My brothers and I would set out each day building tree houses, rigging up Big Wheels behind mini-bikes, making mud pies (more like ammo), and throwing late-season oranges with the fierceness of a military operation. We all have scars from injuries and great stories. We steered clear of video games in #1 Son’s life until he was old enough to wheel-and-deal the neighborhood’s semi-annual garage sale to build a sufficient balance at the local Game Stop to purchase his first video game system, eventually, as a high schooler. We chose to have only one TV in our home until we permitted he purchase one to play video games. We were the family that held off long enough getting a computer at all until Baby Girl was required to do a report as a junior in high school about the Vietnam War. According to our go-to research resource, our 1971 World Book Encyclopedia, the Vietnam War was still going on. We acquiesced and bought our first home computer. #1 Son played video games well and often, but he didn’t start as early as kids do today and they were certainly not on every device he held in his hand. Things are different for American boys today, for sure.

Video games feed a kid’s ‘will to power.’ The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche likens it to one’s need to be in charge of their environment. In boys, this ‘will to power’ takes precedence over other drives, worldviews, and other perspectives. (pg 76) Dr. Sax shares that boys who appear unmotivated are indeed motivated by this ‘will to power.’

“Secretly, these boys often believe that they are special, that they are unique, that they have a hidden destiny that will be revealed in time. As a result, they believe that the rules that apply to ordinary people don’t apply to them. Their ‘destiny’ matters more to them than friendship or academic achievement – more than happiness, for that matter. They often do not expect other people, including their parents, to understand them. They may not even want other people to understand them, because they sense that their worldview, with all its megalomania, will appear puerile and egocentric to most adult eyes.” (pg 76) Are you grinning yet? I am!

So, think about it. Take on the world and beat the bad guys or choose math homework? The virtual world is fast-moving, interactive, collaborative, and fun. “And it is heroic…..In the world of the video game, you can be great.” (pg 79) This is where the distinction between Kenntnis (playing football online) and Wissenschaft (playing football on a field) gets blurry for a boy. This is where a boy believes he can drive a real car because he can drive a virtual car.

Boys are then challenged in this ‘destiny-fulfillment’ and ‘healthy competition’ because the screen has replaced engaging in reality, even outdoors. Boys who can climb, jump, win, and drive online have difficulty climbing a tree (upper body strength), jumping (gross motor skills), winning (racing without breathing heavy), showing endurance (riding the bike for long distances), and, well, you get the idea. Where does a young boy learn patience…humility…how to play with a friend…ride a bike…healthy relationships (many boys today prefer to play video games to being with their families or even girls – pg 89)?

High schools are so large now that only the 30+ athletically elite out of a school of 1,000-2,000 will make the team. So let’s be creative on how we, as the local church, can offer reality, competition, and Jesus ‘is a real man’s man.’ Jesus was hardly a weakling. He was a carpenter’s son, a fisherman, handy, yet patient, kind, and spent time with his tribe. Tribe here means a group of people with similar ideas and interests.

Dr. Sax’s suggestions? Nothing teaches a boy patience like going fishing. Want to make a fishing trip even better? Take a boy fishing with an older guy. The best way for kids to know Jesus is to know people who know Jesus. The best way for a boy to know about being a man of faith is to know and spend time with men of faith doing guy stuff with other guys. Not every guy likes sports, but there is healthy competition to see who can catch the first fish, grill the best burger, and drive a bumper car. Sign boys up for contact sports, classes to learn to play an instrument to play in a band (one band, one sound!), and live out the real thing. Video games are just pretend, an imitation. Encourage boys to take cotillion classes so they learn that spending time and sharing real experiences with real girls is way better than spending time with imitation or pretend girls online. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

My response? I’ve enlisted the help of the Men’s Ministry of my local church to begin offering these outlets for my boys and connecting my dads with Titus 2 men of the church. Let’s break out the power tools, the duct tape, and offer time for creative work with their hands. Will look at planning a local fishing trip, too. “Let’s reconnect the generations.” (pg 255) We’re in the brainstorming phase right now. What else?

“Once you have a boy in your life, things you never dreamed of become normal.” ~ Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James and David Thomas