When I began reading the compilation of research in Dr. Leonard Sax’s book Girls On The Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls, I was surprised at the areas of influence on a girl’s thinking that I did not have to navigate when I bridged adolescence. These are the four areas outlined by Dr. Sax and the research: Sexual Identity, The Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins.

Sexual Identity – Like most young people, girls want to feel special, but romance has changed. “Fifty years ago, girls were the gatekeepers for sexual activity. The boys had at least to pretend they liked the girl in order to get physical.” (pg 25) Today’s culture encourages physical activity without romance due to popular music, movies, and product marketing. Pediatrician Meg Meeker asserts that ‘depression in teenage girls may often be a ‘sexually transmitted disease.’” (pg 25) Girls often confuse their desire for attention with their desire for sex moving ‘from a culture of dating to the culture of the hook-up.’ Girls have multiple voices talking at them all day long, but they’re confused of what voice to follow.

Song of Songs 8:4 reads, “I charge you, daughter of Jerusalem: do not awaken love before it’s time.” The struggle is real that our girl’s bodies are beginning to develop at 8-10 years old. Their bodies are jumping from childhood into teen world over the course of a summer without the in-between years. I mean, who in the world wants to be a teenager for 10 years (ages 10-20) when just last Christmas she got an Easy Bake Oven and still wants to wear sparkle shoes? It’s where we are.

One of the ways we can encourage a smoother transition for parents and daughters is to surround her and them with a community of faith offering an alternative voice to popular culture. As boys crave competition, girls crave community and will be shaped into the person she becomes by that community. The challenge: “a girl’s community is more likely to consist primarily of girls her own age.” (pg 204) When girls of the same age talk, the most popular topics tend to be about their own personal problems, obsessively rehashing negative emotions. This excessive talking can make them feel worse resulting in making girls more anxious. The right kind of community bridges the generations.

We offer a regular gathering of 3rd-5th graders we call, “Princesses of the King.” In the course of an hour and a half, we play a game that offers a way to gracefully speak to one another (ice breakers), read and study a woman of the Bible, then respond with a life skill such as note writing or this week’s Cupcake Wars when the girls will decorate 125 cupcakes which will be delivered to a homeless shelter. After Bible study, we break up into small groups led by what I call, Titus 2 women of faith who will speak into the girl’s lives to offer a place for building community. The local church provides the only avenue in our popular culture to intentionally gather women of many generations. We can draw on that pool of generations of women.

Though our girls may have the knowledge to navigate technology, they don’t have the wisdom to know what to filter. That’s where we come in. Are we offering opportunities for sharing such wisdom? Are we offering a community of women to teach our girls to ‘go with what you know and not with how you feel’? It doesn’t have to be anything formal or structured. Who have you invited to join your ministry with girls to help those girls navigate adolescence with grace, with wisdom, and in the knowledge and favor of God and man? (Luke 2:52)

In next week’s blog we’ll address the Cyberbubble factor.

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit…I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Every child comes through our double doors, walks through our lobbies, and signs into our Children’s Ministry as individuals. Our goal is to find out what makes each one tick, hopefully before we find out what ticks them off. They come with various experiences and expectations. Discoveries can take time especially when our time with little people is limited to one or two hours each 168-hour week and that’s if they come every single week. We all know how unrealistic that is for most families. It doesn’t take long in a classroom of 3rd-4th graders to discover a chasm of differences between boys and girls. I’ve heard 3rd-4th grade referred to as Ninevah. My son’s 4th-6th grade Sunday school teacher they nicknamed “Braveheart” when they were in high school because they KNEW what they put that man through in early adolescence. I’m not sure he’s still teaching boys, but those boys are now men and it is THAT season they all remember and speak of now that they are grown men, with families of their own, serving in their own local churches.

It was my daughter, wife and mother of two, who told me, “Mom, you’ve GOT to read these books by Dr. Leonard Sax!” I read and blogged several weeks from Boys Adrift primarily in an effort to intentionally ensure my ministry with children was boy-friendly. What I learned was beyond my capabilities to ‘just know’ and I’ve been very forthcoming about the changes we’ve made to foster a more boy-friendly environment while meeting the goal of making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. The first of those blogs can be found here.

Some early adjustments to intentionally make our ministry with children more boy-friendly included more games (they thrive on competition).  We ask “What would you DO?” rather than “How would you FEEL?”. We use paper products and not water bottles or plastic (environmental estrogens). We speak of Jesus winning (will to win). We have planned Faith Field Trips (outdoor day trips for faith formation) because children are wired to live life and engage in nature rather than read about it, and we seek to engage more men in ministry with children even in a ‘ministry of presence’ because boys learn to be men of faith by spending time with other men of faith. We all need a mentor:  a Yoda in the faith.

Dr. Leonard Sax’s companion book Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the new Crisis for Girls has been just as enlightening about the current state of girls and young women in America. In clear language, the blending of anecdotes, clinical research (LOTS of research), Sax offers a holistic, sobering call to help the current generation of young women develop the support and sense of self that will allow them to grow into resilient adults. The next few weeks of blogs will focus on ways the local church can further partner with families and equip small group leaders to navigate a girl’s center of self toward her Savior and the adventure He has for her.

The obsessions are worse, nastiness is rampant, drinking is up, and sexuality keeps creeping down the age ladder. They want attention. They want to feel special. How do we invite and welcome girls into the place of relationship with God their maker, Jesus their Savior, the Holy Spirit their comforter and partner in life, and one another as hope-filled, joy-filled, confident, women of faith? How do we teach our girls to be more like Jesus in kindness, compassion, and generosity? What plans can we put in place to let them learn and then practice interacting with the real world and not just be a good student? They may look strong and confident on the outside, but they’re fragile within. They’re fragile because a negative comment will repeat itself a million times in their heads, a top-to-down-and-back-up look from a peer can break a heart, and changes in the most important relationships around her can make even the ‘smartest’ girl without the emotional vocabulary to explain the depth of her disappointment.

What are we doing to equip them to fight the rise of a relentless focus on how they present themselves to the world in images and sound bites before the self has had a chance to fully form? How do we offer a ‘social life’ beyond kids their own age so the voices they are hearing and repeating in their heads are of truth, God’s loving truth, spoken into their lives from Titus 2 women of faith so girls of the church know what a women of faith looks like, sounds like, acts like, and lives like? How do we offer girls a private time and private life when technology deprives girls of any break, any breather, any alternate perspective because as girls become hyperconnected to their peers, they are disconnecting from themselves? (pg 47) Parents are shaking in their boots as their little girls prepare to move to middle school.

I hope you pick up the book and/or join me over the next several weeks. Adult guidance is essential because there are too many unknowns. And though we women have taken this journey, we’ve not been down their road of today’s culture. We’ve got work to do and we’re better together.

“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” Proverbs 31:17

This was posted on our North Georgia Children’s Ministry Facebook Page on Easter Sunday: To all the kidmin champions who have been running the race this week, well done! On this Resurrection Sunday, take the mental photos of the children in your care, be filled with compassion for the parents who are doing the best they can, and trust in the One and Only who has called you for such a time as this. This we know: No matter what today looks like, He is risen! Rest this coming week…evaluate on paper…and take the time to crawl in our Father’s lap for some R&R before you hit the ground running for summer.

Evaluate on Paper – Take good notes. Ask good questions of what worked, what didn’t, what needs consideration, and who was present? This year Easter Sunday fell on the beginning of Spring Break. Next year it’ll be April 21st which is after all the Spring Breaks meaning there will be even more families ready to celebrate. Go through the various Children’s Ministry Facebook pages to peruse the activities of those who were kind enough to share what they did. Print them out or save them where you’ll remember to look for them. Mark your calendar for next January to schedule, place orders, recruit team members, and reserve spaces. Don’t overschedule. Be particular. Be intentional. Know what everyone loves and tweak. Know what is missing, and start small because Easter rolls around every year and you can pump it up next year.

Take time to crawl in our Father’s lap for some R&R – Not everyone can pile up the kiddos into the SUV and head to the beach, though that IS my favorite R&R location. So take a day or two within the next two weeks following Resurrection Sunday to think. Remember. Scroll through the mental photos you took as the families you serve celebrated. Write the thank you notes. Take a walk. Spend time in nature. It totally rained here in Atlanta and the yellow pollen is everywhere, so I get that it may not look like what’s posted on Facebook. I went to the movies. Saw Paul. By myself. I laughed and I cried. It was so good. Even went to the grands’ church on a Sunday night for some great preaching and Bible study. Do something out of the ordinary that brings you to our Heavenly Father. Pause and pray.

You’ve still got time to take the Sabbath.

“Therefore, a Sabbath rest remains for God’s people. For the person who has entered His rest has rested from his own works, just as God did from His. Let us then make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.” Hebrews 4:9-11 (HCSB)

It is NOT inevitable that Summer Sundays have to be considered ‘low attendance.’ If it is, I’m rebuking it! Sunday is my favorite day of the week, even in the summer. One way to make each Sunday special is to find something special about each Sunday. There are several websites dedicated to communicating national holidays. With that information in mind, these are the special Sundays we’ll be promoting the summer of 2018:

6/3 – VBS starts, so wear your Hawaiian/beach wear
6/10 – Iced Tea Day
6/17 – Father’s Day – Donuts with Dad
7/1 – Mc’Peach’ern Sunday – having a peach-flavored luncheon after church since it’s the thick of Georgia peach season with BBQ, peach tea, make-your-own peach salsa station, peach cobbler, peach ice cream
7/8 – National Blueberry Day – wear blue
7/15 – National Ice Cream Day – Sunday sundaes! In 1984, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed July as National Ice Cream Month and established National Ice Cream Day as the 3rd Sunday in the month.
7/22 – National Parents Day – Not a day for gift giving. That’s for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Just do something fun together. Maybe a photo booth, but open to ideas. In 1994, President William (Bill) Clinton proclaimed the 4th Sunday in July as National Parent’s Day.
7/29 – Blessing of the Backpacks – bring backpacks, lunchboxes, briefcases, rollercarts, etc. for a blessing as school begins the following week with a keytag take-away.
8/5 – Promotion Sunday…ready to slide into fall with dual waterslides and more family fun that afternoon.

What specials will your local church be recognizing this summer? How will you be rebuking the summer slump?

“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and it’s leaves come out, you know that summer is near.” Matthew 24:32, Mark 13:28 and Luke 21:30