Today’s post is more like a public service announcement because we didn’t know six months ago what we know now. You may be in the same boat. Six months ago my mother-in-law passed away suddenly. When I got the news by phone, my first phone call was to one of my bridesmaids of life in my Emmaus Reunion Group because we knew we’d need to be covered in prayers. The next two phone calls were to our adult children. But the fourth phone call was to my pastor and boss with a cry from a place of utter grief and despair, “What do we do now?”

At 55 years old, we are the first of our peers to lose both parents AND be responsible for everything. These are a few things we have learned along the way:

1. Get a will – Kay had her will and my father-in-law’s will along with their passports, social security cards, birth certificates, and other important papers in a safe-deposit which my husband had a key for. We went to the box the day after she passed. All important papers like car titles, home closing documents and tax returns were also in one place. She had a clear filing system. She set this up years ago. Don’t put it off. The will has protected us, guided us, directed us, and made clear much of what we needed to do next.
2. Have personal and professional relationships – with an attorney, a pastor, and accountant/CPA, contractors, realtors, etc. We are so grateful for the wisdom and expertise of those we had built relationships with through our local church.
3. Beneficiaries trump wills – If the will is specific to what happens next with limitations and directions, yet only names are listed as beneficiaries of investments and assets, the limits and directions within the will do not apply.
4. Have an Emergency Fund – There will be many expenses that will need to be covered way before any paperwork can be completed at the courthouse: funeral expenses (including special wishes by family members), monthly utilities, monthly mortgages, lawn services, house cleaning supplies, groceries, paper products, clothes, traveling expenses, home repairs, and a whole lot more. Reimbursements take a long time…right now, more than six months.
5. Have a list of accounts and passwords and update the list often – Kay did nothing online which made the paper trail easy to follow. Over the course of 45 days, every utility, investment, bank statement, and QVC order came through the mail.  We, of course, do everything online. Passwords, account numbers, vendor and utility lists should be on paper and stored in some way so to be easily located. How will anybody be able to settle your affairs and gain access to your parent’s or your assets and liabilities if nothing comes through the mail?
6. Be gracious, no matter what people and family do and say – Everybody has questions. Everybody has opinions. Everybody grieves differently. Everybody has a different perspective. Everybody remembers a past conversation. Prayer and wise counsel are imperative.
7. Talk through the process with your adult kids – This has been a learning experience for all of us. Clear communication with our young adult children throughout this process has equipped them and their spouses to know what to do and what to expect when our time comes. We had wills prepared when they were minors, but as adults, new wills and this learning is our responsibility to impart as part of their financial training.

The grief has been intense. The responsibility has been heavy. Ministry with families happen all throughout remarkable moments of a family’s life. When we learn new things, we figure out a way to teach them. This is one area where I now have experience. It helps the healing to pour out our lessons as a drink offering unto the Lord.

What will you do now?

“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.” Titus 3:1-2

I just picked up a 2017 calendar from the office supply store which means I just printed my own 2018 calendar. Which means I printed the two counties’ school 2017-2018 calendars. Which means I am preparing for 2017 in September of 2016. My parents and families need calendars for the next year so I can’t just throw things together and hope it fits the rhythm of my community.

The first installment of my calendaring process can be found here at Calendaring 101. But what else?

Calendaring is not planning. Calendaring is about partnering. Calendaring is putting on the calendar that which complements other ministries: Holy Week, Advent, Missions, Stewardship, Good Friday, One Service Sundays, Youth Mission Trips, etc. AND what I know about my own community: school calendars, scout calendars, band/music calendars, local festivals which happen the same time every year, etc. so when I plan special events and time specific to my families as ‘church’, I am a help to my families. We are no help to families when we are one more thing to add to their calendar nor one more thing for my families to feel guilty about because of the hard choices they make each day of what is best. Calendaring should help offer a healthy rhythm for volunteers and should give families some ‘easy wins.’

It helps that our pastor gives us the next year’s sermon schedule a few months before year-end. We calendar to partner with another ministry by piggy-backing: Missions Lunch & Easter Egg Hunt on Palm Sunday; CLUB345 Bake Sale fundraiser for camp & Youth Souper Bowl of Caring Sunday, etc.. Partnering with other ministry events/specials offer greater opportunities for intergenerational relationships and sticky memories in the hearts of minds of our little people. Always a huge win!

Then there’s what you want to start new.  How does it fit in the mix? First, you evaluate the ‘whipped cream’ of your ministries. Anything outside of Sunday am programming is ‘whipped cream’. Sunday is the ‘daily bread’ of Children’s Ministry and it must be done to the best of our abilities and resources.  For example, we noticed this year a lessening of enthusiasm for The Saints Book Club, so we will be taking a jubilee from that in 2017. Thus opening a spot for something I’ve been tossing around in my head for a couple of years now. The challenge comes when it’s all good, but we have limited resources in volunteers, champions, funding, and time. So let’s be intentional about offering what is best: be in prayer, talk with your parents, chat it up among your students, run it by your pastor.

Don’t forget to plan for personal time away for education, for rest, for reevaluation, and for celebration. The white space will fill quickly. Calendaring is how we offer easy wins for families, including your own. Shauna Niequist wrote in Present Over Perfect, “I fake-rested instead of real-rested, and then I found that I was real-tired.” She went on to write, “Loving one’s work is a gift. And loving one’s work makes it really easy to neglect other parts of life. People love it when you say yes, and they get used to it. But you can’t have a yes without no. If you’re not careful with your yeses, you start to say no to some very important things without even realizing it.”

“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.” Parker Palmer in Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation as quoted in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to be Spiritually Mature While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero.

Just this last weekend, I and three other chaperones took students to Rock On overnight camp along with 300 other 3rd-5th grade students in the North Georgia Conference of the United Methodist Church. This is our second year at Camp Glisson in the fall located in beautiful Dahlonega, Georgia.

We ate together. Table life around a huge table over Lucky Charms and the biggest cinnamon buns on the planet. Because we ate, we also served one another and cleaned up together. There was something for the pickiest eater and the students who eat anything as we ate family style, passing plates, pouring, spooning, etc.

We laughed together. From the ‘favorites’ conversation in the van on the way home to raising our hands when we went over bridges because of ‘ancestors.’ We chatted and chuckled all over camp.

We played together. The lake excursion was the favorite of the trip, by far. The teams were separated so well that our students were able to do their ‘special’ more than once. No waiting in line to maybe get one ride. Multiple zipline rides, multiple jumps from the landings, multiple swings on the high swing (so that if you only went halfway the first time, you were going all the way to the top every time afterwards.). Lots of videos and still shots were sent home to parents.

We worshipped and danced together. From sitting in the back by the fans on Friday night to serving communion in the center of the room by Sunday morning. Sacred spaces all over campus kept us on the lookout everywhere we walked. Man, did we walk. Good thing I wore my Fitbit this time!

We prayed together. Young adults who know Camp Glisson like the back of their hands escorted and presented a prayer walk all over campus. We truly got a tour of the sacred spaces and followed in the footsteps of all who had gone before us.

The first aid kit I kept in my backpack was used once by another church’s leaders to help with a spider bite, so bring the Benadryl. We were always with other students from other churches so we met new friends and recognized old ones. Conversations before breakfast over the coffee/tea table with colleagues I only knew through Facebook were precious, indeed. Watching a college student serve as one of our chaperones was both hilarious and surprisingly effective.  Rev. Debby Fox and the Connection Ministries team were aware of the developmental needs of this age group and Chuck Bell is a very gifted worship leader who engaged the students beyond singing. Our students participated in conversations with our ‘stage’ leaders because these leaders were all over the place all weekend, were completely accessible, and started conversations with my kids all weekend long.  So glad that the music didn’t ring our ears and students were in bed early. And I can’t thank enough the partnering churches who shared our cabins and rotations who’s chaperones made their presence known so our kids felt like their kids, too. One big family.

Away at camp builds relationships…memories…kindnesses…connections with other churches…independence…conversations…and a desire to come back to a place where we can stay with God, grow with God, and go with God.

“The Lord is my solid rock, my fortress, my rescuer…my place of safety.” Psalm 18:2

Over the years of serving children in the local church, you would think I’d become more mature in the things that make me chuckle. Not so much. Maybe because I grew up with 4 brothers, bodily functions remain a top laugh-getter.
Anyway, I have collected over the years some bible passages that have caused me to fall in the floor laughing:

• Luke 12:35 “Be dressed and ready for service.” (a permanent post-it-note on #1 son’s XBox during high school)
• John 12:7a “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. (my all-time personal favorite)
• Jeremiah 1:17 “Get yourself ready!  Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.  Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.”
• Proverbs 10:19 “Where there are many words, Sin is not absent.” (aka “shut thee up”)
• Leviticus 13:40 “When a man has lost his hair and is bald, he is clean.”
• Exodus 32:24 (Aaron speaking to Moses) “So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”
• Proverbs 26:17 “Like one who seizes a dog by its ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.”  (nothing like a bite in the face to keep you in your own business)
• Proverbs 25:24 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”  (self-explanatory, and said again in Proverbs 21:9)
• Nehemiah 6:3 “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down.”  (a Mama’s mantra through middle school)
• 2 Timothy 4:11b “Take Mark, and bring him with thee:  for he is profitable to me for the ministry” (Baby Girl found this when she and Mark began getting serious)
• Psalm 119:139a “My zeal wears me out.”
• Ezekiel 44:18b “They must not wear anything that makes them sweat.” (Can I get an “AMEN!”?)

A clergy friend of mine has begun to get in on my collection and has added some of her own:

• Jeremiah 49:32 “Their camels shall become booty, their herds of cattle a spoil.”
• Ecclesiastes 10:1 “Dead flies make the perfumer’s ointment give off a foul odor.”
• Ecclesiastes 10:11 “If the snake bites before it is charmed, there is no advantage to the charmer.” (duh)
• Yep, “She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”  Proverbs 31:25

Got any you are willing to share?