I just found out that someone who deeply hurt me during one of the hardest seasons of my ministry has died. What do I do with that?

We weren’t close. In fact, we rarely interacted or moved in the same circles. But she played a significant role in a painful episode that left a lasting scar. Years ago, I was blackballed from joining a local service organization. I found out when a professional woman from that group called me afterward—apologetic and honest—explaining what had happened once I left the room. Until that moment, the organization had never refused membership to an invited guest. But that day, they did.

I never shared what happened outside of my immediate family and the Lord, until now. I was ashamed—embarrassed that my grace and quiet accommodation were exploited. I later came to recognize that what I experienced wasn’t just rejection. It was bullying—systemic, tolerated, repeated, and even groomed within that organization’s culture. This was not an isolated incident for my time of service there. “To thrive, bullies require secrecy, shame, silent witnesses.” (The Bully At Work)

For clarity, Google defines workplace bullying as repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or a group) directed towards another, escalating over time, which is intended to intimidate and creates a risk to the health and safety of the target.

After much research about bullies and targets on my road to healing, I prayerfully left that organization. To tolerate bad behavior in a Christian community is not God’s plan. Hardships, yes. Fear of bodily harm and spiritual bullying, no. Not in America. I began to understand that the bullying wasn’t ultimately about me. It was spiritual warfare—an attempt to disrupt ministry, discredit my calling, and shake my faith.

“We were meant to make the road a little easier for each other. Not shove the other down on it.” Beth Moore (twitter 12/10/10)

There were several years when I didn’t attend local festivals and community events for the likelihood of running into several of those who targeted me and still active in that organization. When I did see one at a local department store several years later, I panicked.  I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart began beating out of my chest, and I had to leave the store. I left a full shopping cart in the aisle and sat in my car praying and singing praise music until the Lord calmed me down enough to drive home.

Over the years which followed, God’s healing words jumped off the pages of my Bible like “Leave her alone, Jesus replied,” (John 12:7a) and “If you can extract the precious from the worthless, then you can be my spokesman,” (Jeremiah 15:19) Partner God’s words with the very presence of amazing women of faith (children’s ministry networking group; Women in Apologetics; Emmaus Reunion group; personal Board of Directors) and I know the wonder and joy that comes from Godly repair, redemption, and restoration.

Books and studies which also led me through that season and beyond:
The Three Battlegrounds by Francis Frangipane
When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore
Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley
The Bully at Work by Namie & Namie
When Bad Christians Happen to Good People by Dave Burchett
Creating a Healthier Church by Ronald W. Richardson
Throw the First Punch: Defeating the Enemy Hell-bent on Your Destruction by Beth Guckenburger (Youtube study link)

Now, having heard of this woman’s passing, I’m flooded with complex emotions. I’ve read beautiful tributes about her generosity, her ministry, and her impact in the community. I wish I had known that woman—the one others remember so fondly—instead of the one who wounded me.

What do I do with that?

Beth Moore writes in When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, “Satan is out to destroy the testimony of the believer in Christ. The more influential the testimony, the better.” The gift I have now on the other side is that I know what spiritual warfare looks like, smells like, acts like, feels like, and sounds like.

When one of God’s own is permitted to speak ugly and plot publicly against another of His children within the family of God, this gal has had plenty of practice of not sitting in silence, nor remaining silent to keep the peace, nor pretending it doesn’t matter. I love my Christian siblings and their testimonies too much to let it slide. I’ll be praying and actively loving them to Jesus until restoration shines on us both. Loving on them in every love language to the point of being annoying. Reaching out a hand often. Starting the awkward conversation every time. Stepping into the ring to defend a target because that’s what family does for one another.

 “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Galatians 5:15

Originally written in the fall of 2022. Now published for the first time in summer of 2025.