We hear a lot about decision-making, but did you know the average adult makes about 35,000 decisions every day? Some are tiny—like which shoes to wear. Others are life-shaping—like where to live or work. But there’s one crucial decision we hardly notice: Who do I spend my time with?

As I prepared for a women’s ministry retreat at a nearby local church, I read Karen Riddell’s Friendship Matters and Melanie Shankle’s Nobody’s Cuter Than You. Shankle reminds us that childhood friendships were mostly about location, location, location. Whoever lived nearest became our people!

But research is showing that, as adults, friendship is one of the most important choices we will ever make.
Neuroscientist Dr. Moran Cerf at Northwestern University explains why: The people we spend time with actually shape how we think, feel, and even how healthy and joyful we are. Over time, our brain waves begin to sync with theirs—our minds literally wire together and fire together. Isn’t that amazing?
That’s God’s good design.

God’s good design includes a hormone called oxytocin which is the neurochemical that bonds mamas to babies and wives to their hubbies. It is this hormone that is released in our minds and throughout our bodies when we laugh, hug, make eye contact, or talk with friends. It literally causes a rush of positive emotions. 

Riddell goes on to write, “Oxytocin has a fantastic superpower: its release triggers the flow of other feel-good neurochemicals, creating a chain reaction for contentment.” God’s good design is that oxytocin’s effect is amplified by estrogen.

Men, on the other hand, have far more testosterone, which actually blocks oxytocin—so friendship feels different for them.

As women age, forming new friendships can become harder, but our need for connection doesn’t disappear and it’s still God’s good design that women discover deep connections with one another. And Scripture affirms this over and over: we were created for connection.

One of my favorite reminders comes from my friend Kate’s and my visit to Magdala in Israel in 2017—the hometown of Mary Magdalene. Excavations there revealed gathering spaces near the Sea of Galilee. Beside the excavation, there has been built a beautiful building with art with an atrium of eight pillars.
Seven pillars are carved with the names of women in the Gospels who followed and supported Jesus—Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, Mary and Martha, Salome, and others. The eighth pillar is blank meant to honor all the women—including us—whose faith leads them to follow Jesus.

Many of these women stayed near Jesus even when all seemed lost. In Mark 16, they spent the Sabbath in sorrow, but on the third day they did what women do—they kept going. They went together to buy spices to honor Jesus. I wrote Steel Magnolias in my Bible right there! They showed up for Jesus—and for each other.

So—back to our friendships.

If our minds naturally sync with the people around us, then it makes sense to choose companions who help us grow toward Christ. When we walk closely with friends who love Jesus, we’re encouraged to love Him more deeply, too. But if we link ourselves with voices pulling us away from godly values and confusing cultural causes, we will drift without realizing it.

So let’s ask:

  • Who am I walking with?
  • Do my closest friends share my values?
  • Do they encourage me toward Jesus?
  • Do they help me live into God’s goodness?

God designed our minds and hearts to reflect the people we journey with. Psychologists call it mind-melding. Scripture calls it discipleship and fellowship.

And here’s the good news: Walking with Christ-centered, wise friends actually makes life lighter.
Their faithfulness helps lift us up, strengthens us, and eases our decision fatigue.

Healthy friendships help us grow in health and holiness. That is God’s good design—and it is a beautiful gift.

“When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices (they went shopping together!) so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body.” Mark 16:1