My friend’s mother passed away several months ago. I never had the privilege of knowing her mother personally, but I learned she was a devoted wife, a loving mother, a faithful participant in her church’s women’s Bible study for many years, and someone who was deeply cherished by all who knew her. My friend and her husband have raised three remarkable young men—Eagle Scouts—and they are eagerly awaiting their first grandchild. The sudden loss of this wonderful woman of faith and family has been heartbreaking for them. The holiday season which followed has been difficult to say the least.

Because Mr. Bob and I couldn’t get back from a site visit for March’s R3 Gathering in time for the visitation the night before, I planned to attend the graveside service the next day. Well before any arrangements were made, we had already promised the big grands a weekend of Christmas decorating. Grand N stayed behind to help Pops with the heavier work, and Grand E, came with me—ready to serve as my plus-one as we offered a simple ministry of presence to my friend and her family at her mom’s funeral.

It became a meaningful opportunity to teach E the rituals, practices, and language of honoring a life well-lived within Christian community. E had attended her great-grandfather’s funeral at age four or five; she is eleven now, ready to understand more deeply.

E is a believer and Jesus is her King, so I can use language like ‘God’s people’, ‘the way of Jesus people’, and though we are sad at the loss of our loved ones, we have ‘hope in Christ Jesus, the writer and perfecter of our Christian faith.’

E’s mom helped her choose appropriate clothes, shoes, and jewelry. On our way to the graveside service, we stopped at Honey Baked Ham to pick up something to share and packed it in a cooler. E was in charge of the ice.

We talked about where to sit or stand, how to greet people, and how to introduce herself with eye contact and a gentle handshake. We talked about how services like this remind Christians that this world is not our final home, that Jesus prepares a place for His own, that God’s Word is true, and that the Christian community comes together in seasons of joy and in seasons of sorrow. This is our way.

We chatted that there will always be seasons when God’s people hold both tissues and confetti—grief for what we’ve lost, and hope for the wholeness and healing promised in Heaven. We are meant to walk through these moments together for strength, comfort, shared stories, and care.

Funeral services help provide a transition through practices, people, stories, and the start of new normals. These moments are difficult, and even more difficult when faced alone or without space to process. Such services are for the living—for those left to remember, to grieve, and to be supported by the Christian community through offerings of presence, food, and acts of kindness.

When we arrived, I quietly introduced E to the family members, their names, and how they were related. I quietly pointed out the items under the tent, explained their purposes, and shared how each element in the service was chosen by loved ones or the family to honor her life.

We talked about grave markers, dates, the meaning of the dash between them, flowers, vases, and the difference between settled and freshly placed sod. We noticed one gravesite decorated with garland, spinners, photographs, and colorful plastic flowers. E asked if she could visit it after the service. She did.

Throughout the service, she watched and listened with full attention—the message, the music, the poem written and read by my friend’s sister. E stood quietly and respectfully the entire time. After the pastor dismissed us, we walked slowly to retrieve the cooler, placed it by my friend’s truck door, and began our drive home.

In the car, she asked thoughtful questions: “Who decides who gets to speak?”, “How do people find out someone has died?”, and “What happens next?” We talked about the first funeral I attended and others I have experienced. She even began thinking through who should speak at my funeral—“a very long time from now,” she assured me.

She was respectful, steady, curious, and unafraid. I was grateful for this sacred teaching moment even as I stood quietly in support of my grieving friend.

Less than ten days later, E’s other grandmother passed away suddenly. Lots of feelings, lots of hugs, lots of stories, lots of decisions were made for the family to travel to south Florida to be present and celebrate the life of a beautiful mother, wife, sister, and daughter of the King of Kings.

Grand E spoke at her grandmother’s service with her daddy standing at her side. She knew exactly what she wanted to say.

We Jesus people do things differently.

And Grand E knows.

“These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” 1 John 5:13 KJV