Upon a visit to every tea snob’s favorite tea room in Woodstock Georiga, I noticed a book, “100 Things I’m Not Going to Do Now That I’m Over 50,” written by Wendy Reid Crisp. I do hereby publicly agree to the following:

When I turn 50 I will not . . .

1. Show Cleavage – I remember wearing a coconut bra for an event last year and had a hard time keeping the thing above rather than at the belt line.

2. Wear inconspicuous earrings – Growing up in South Louisiana, we were raised to believe that if a little bit is good, then bigger is always better. The jewelry doesn’t even have to be real, but it does have to be gaudy.

3. Lighten up on the makeup – or leave the house without eyebrows.

4. Sing quietly – I talk loud, I hum loud, I whisper loud. It only goes to common sense that I will sing loud. If you can’t sing loud, especially in praise to Jesus, why bother.

5. Tolerate bigots – my mantra is “I just don’t see it that way.”

6. Get even – “‘Vengeance is mine,’ saith the LORD,” and I say let Him do it. He can smite and everything.

7. Avoid becoming emotional – I love deeply, so I’ll cry if I want to. And when I can’t help myself, I won’t apologize.  Just pass the tissues.

8. Put “career objective” on my resume’ – At my age it’s more important WHO I spend my time working with and for WHOM I’m working than anything else. 

9. Leave an unmade bed – The rest of the room can look like “Hoarders”, but when the bed is made, there is order in the world.

10. Travel without extra food – A habit I began when we had children that I will continue. Having served in preschool ministry for more than 20 years, no matter what time I have breakfast, snack is always at 10:30am.

I’m claiming that 50 is the new 30, especially now that I can afford to have my hair done by a “colorist” rather than a barber.