When #1 Son and Baby Girl were little, I had all these dreams of offering them a holiday season filled with glorious memories and multiple experiences to fully engage their little minds. A few years and several back copies of Southern Living later, I was in sensory overload, as was my family. Then I was hit upside the head with a sermon that changed everything.

This young pastor shared that “If Jesus came back as the entire world is anticipating the arrival of the Christ child during the Advent season, what would He find? Would He find over eating, over drinking, over stimulation, and a world overwhelmed with accumulation?” It knocked me so hard, I dropped all my packages.

That year I decided to declutter the holidays by inviting each member of the family to share the 3 things that made Christmas Christmas. I further decided to only do those things for that season. I was completly surprised by the response. It seemed even the house gave a sigh of relief.

My man’s list:
1. A fire in the fireplace
2. Open gifts on Christmas Eve
3. Church on Christmas Eve

Baby Girl’s list:
1. Fire in the fireplace
2. Open Gifts on Christmas Eve
3. Church on Christmas Eve

#1 Son’s list:
1. Open gifts on Christmas Eve
2. Only 1 Christmas tree in the house and it should have all our handmade ornaments on it (Up to this time, I was trying to keep up with the fabulous ladies in the Junior Service League Christmas Tour of Homes and had a theme-decorated tree in every room that made the house so bright at night we were getting fly-bys from Hartsfield International Airport)
3. He wanted to be IN the Christmas Eve service at Church

My list:
1. Family Christmas Letter written to all our friends and family coast to coast (This endeavor had made for sibling banter between me and my hilarious brothers. We love getting Christmas cards, but I know your name. Please tell me what’s going on your life.)
3. Bobbi Jean’s Lemon Cake only once a year and HAS to be on Christmas Eve (Bobbi Jean was the woman my Daddy married when I was 10 years old. She was an amazingly generous woman. She taught me everything I know about the blessings of family traditions and the power of random, kind words, and face time with those you love.)

Just in case their list of 3 changed, I would ask the question “What 3 things makes Christmas Christmas for you this year?” each Thanksgiving. It freed up a ton of time, energy, and resources.

Now that Baby Girl is married to #2 Son, a fire in the fireplace still tops her list of must-haves.  However, they live in a little house where there is no fireplace.   A fireplace DVD will be their first gift from us for their first Christmas in their new home.

What 3 things makes Christmas Christmas for you?

Advent is the season when the world prepares for the coming of Christ. Customarily it is the season following Thanksgiving leading up to Christmas Eve. For those of us who serve on church staff, we get to enjoy “Pre-Advent.” This is the month of October when ideas and calendars lay scattered upon every flat service of home and office, and a few places in between. Pre-Advent is when Advent materials are ordered and devoured. Although it is the millionth time I hear the story, there will be little people and others who will be hearing it for the first time. I have to be ready. I have to have a profound sense of wonder and a building sense of excitement for a powerful story that is all but mundane.
As a Mom, I have constantly found myself immersed in the “Mary” side of it. J. Ellsworth Kalas calls Christmas, “a chick’s holiday,” and I must agree. Kalas contends that the majority of what we know as the Christmas story took place at a table where two pregnant women, Mary and Elizabeth, enjoy one another’s company in a home where the man of the house, Zechariah, can’t speak a word. For three months, the conversations, the laughter, the food prep, the prayers of these two women hold them both for a lifetime. Somewhere around this time is when Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father and Mary’s finance, hears that Mary is pregnant. But I always wondered “How?”   “When did he hear?”  “What was his immediate response when this chosen man finds things are “not as I had hoped.”
I am a Jesus girl who doesn’t struggle with the scriptures. He said it, I believe it. But the details fascinate me. I praise our God of details.
Adam Hamilton’s “The Journey: Walking the Road to Bethlehem” begins his second chapter with a few details that have just delighted me this Pre-Advent.
Discovery #1: The maps matter. Nazareth is Mary’s hometown. For the first time, I entertained the thougth that it probably wasn’t Joseph’s. According to the census, each man had to go to his own town. Joseph’s hometown, according to the Gospel of Matthew, appears to be Bethlehem. Bethlehem is 4 miles from Ein Karem, the traditional hometown of Elizabeth and Zechariah. Mary travels the 9 days from Nazareth to Ein Karem to spend her first 3 months of pregnancy with Elizabeth a 90 minute walk from Bethlehem.
Discovery #2: Men will take a 90 minute walk over a 9 day walk any day to see their gal. Joseph must have been thrilled to hear that his betrothed was so close. The walk to see Mary must have been swift and filled with joyful expectation. Joseph sees Mary. They talk. The sun begins to set and he heads home. The walk back home to Bethlehem must have been brutal and long. Don’t you see her crying in Elizabeth’s bulging lap? Don’t you see him stomping his way back home angry at the world?
Discovery #3: A 90 minute walk does wonders for angry disappointment. I imagine that by the time Joseph gets home, he prepares for bed. He is exhausted from the anxious expectation of seeing his gal. He probably didn’t sleep well the night before anyway. He was tired from the walking, weary from the anger and disappointment. Hamilton goes on to share that though Joseph was devastated by her apparent unfaithfulness, “At some point during Joseph’s ninety-minute walk back to Bethlehem, his anger must have given way to concern for Mary’s life.” Joseph’s head hits the pillow and “the rest is history.”
I can’t wait to see what else this Jesus Girl will learn this Pre-Advent. I am downright giddy already. Lord, may my heart and mind be decorated for Christmas this year before the front door. Amen.

As a wise pastor shared when my children were very young, “Ministry begins in the family.” Trust that as our children reach ages 10-12, you are not only their parent, but their spiritual mentor, as well. Know that God wants you to be prepared to be the spiritual mentor you are to be. But also know that God cannot use you if you stay mad at yourself all the time, criticizing yourself for not being the perfect mother, father, daughter, wife or person. You can’t think that “it’s too late.”

If I am impressed by the Word of God, I will impress my children with it. I will put it into their minds in such a way that it makes an indelible impression upon those children forever and ever. Such children will never let the Word of God fall to the ground. Does this make us have perfect children or make us the perfect parents? Far from it! I’m not even a good one some days, ask my kids. I am absolutely nothing without the love of Jesus – no longer the Jesus of the flannel board, but the Jesus of God’s Word. You are qualified to be a spiritual parent, and He’s given us the handbook to do it.

I’ll close with this passage from THE PARENT WARRIOR written by Karen Scalf Linamen, “I used to think how wonderful it would be to have perfect children. Now I know how much they would miss by being too good. I don’t want perfect children: I want something far better for them than that! I want them to know the power of the Holy Spirit, to feel God’s hand of change in their lives, and to recognize the depth of their need for the blood of Jesus Christ. I want them to know the power of renewal.”

3 John 1:4 reads, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” May your children walk in truth and trust that God will bless your efforts.

What is the real purpose of having spiritual traditions and memories? Well, for one thing, it’s fun! But the main reason is to help us understand who we are, what we believe, and what makes our family unique. Traditions perform a vital function in a family because they give us identity. Traditions are a way of saying, “This is what we believe and how we are different from everyone else.”

Anything can become an important spiritual tradition to your kids at any time. Scripture tells us to “Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will direct your paths.” My part is to acknowledge Him in ALL our way. His part is to direct the path.

Reserving a night exclusively for family is a great way you can prioritize what is of value in your life and at the same time teach your children and profess to your community lessons and skills that can strengthen your family’s faith. Once you pick a night, guard it. Even turning off all phones will set an example for the family that this night is a priority. If there is a community or school activity that some of the family members can’t miss make that event the family activity and include all the family members.

A friend shared with me that to move the family night required permission from all family members. He also shared…”expect flack, but ride it out.” What do you do? Let each member pick an activity and then assign it a night. Here are some ideas – if bad language or selfishness has been a problem, plan an activity on the subject and a round table discussion; learn magic tricks, do puzzles, board games, family dinner/cooking, visit historical areas nearby and learn local or family history (While you are teaching your family to love their God, teach them to love their country,) plan to visit nearby mountains, lakes, caves, plant a tree, gather shells, go bird watching, take a walk/bike ride, go camping on Red Top Mountain, fly kites, go to the neighborhood pool, rent a movie, practice our fire escape plan (we go over this every time the time changes), make a survival kit, make a list of emergency numbers, take a CPR class, the sky’s the limit.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. Tie them (His commandments) as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.“

Holidays are some of the easiest ways to share your faith with your family. Check these out:

1. Spiritual Birthdays – pray that your kids will accept Jesus as their LORD and Savior at a young age. Make it your mission to be the one that is blessed to lead them to the LORD. Then have a date to celebrate – donut holes, balloons, lunch box, gifts, CDS, crown of thorns, ring, 1st diamond, something that is round because God’s love has no beginning and no end, He is love. Now to receive the Spiritual Birthday gift, they have to share what God has showed them this last year, what has she learned about God this year, and set new spiritual goals for the next year. Each one also verbally recalls the events of their salvation moment and their current testimony.
2. Christmas is the easy holiday to give Him honor and glory, but let me just add that you might not put the Baby Jesus out until Christmas Eve , but be sure you put out a nativity the kids can handle. Another dear friend shares that each family member receives 3 gifts each as 3 gifts were what Jesus received from the wise men. “ If 3 gifts were good enough for the Savior of the world, it’s good enough for us.”
3. Participate in Lent as a family or even individually. They will follow your example. Ever thought of fasting from Thanksgiving until Christmas Eve from anything sweet . . . remembering that advent is the season prior to His coming, if He came back during that season, would He find me overindulging or remembering the reason He came in the first place?
4. Set New Year’s Resolutions in 3 areas: recreational, physical, and spiritual and have the kids write it in the covers of their bibles with the dates. When #1 Son and Baby Girl were in high school, we became claiming personal scripture for ourselves for the whole year. Mine was Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God. “ When we came up with this idea, Baby Girl said she didn’t know what to pick. #1 Son immediately piped up and said, “Honor thy father and mother.” Needless to say, Christine accused him of sucking up and left the table. But to her credit and just to let you know, she’s always wanted to read the bible all the way through and made a resolution for 5 years before actually fulfilling it.
5. We had a jar of chores to do around the house, and when the children were tweeners, they were required to pull a chore when they mouthed off or disobeyed. That way, I didn’t get angry and a chore was done that I didn’t have to do. In that jar were items like “write a letter to your Grandparents”, “sweep the porch”, “wipe down the window sills”, “clean out the refrigerator”, “collect the hangers in all the closets,” etc. I recall a time when Baby Girl really pushed my buttons to the point I was fit to be tied, and I told her to pull from the jar. The next thing I knew, she was jumping up and down, hooting and hollering…come to find out, she pulled the one slip of paper among the 50 that read, “Grace. You are forgiven.” She learned forgiveness and I learned to keep my sense of humor.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. Tie them (His commandments) as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.“

This sounds like decorating, a party, and celebration time to me!

Another tool to share your faith with your family is to establish specific Spiritual Milestones. Spiritual Milestones are events that are preceded by a season of instruction. These events will celebrate spiritual developmental points in a child’s life. I’ll share just a few that have made a huge impact on our lives:

1. As told in an article in the Cherokee Tribune, Debbie Boling wanted her 2 children to understand the value of the Bible, so she handwrote two copies of the New Testament – one each for her son and daughter – and presented it to them when they graduated from high school. Each copy contained about 6,000 handwritten pages. Her daughter’s response? “It is just something that I believe she really wanted to do for both of us, to show how important the word is and how much she loves us.”

2. The son of one of my prayer partners went away to college and was living in an apartment. She asked a bunch of us to send him a recipe of 5 ingredients or less and a word of encouragement from scripture. He was blown away that he actually got mail, but information he could definitely use as he was away from home for the very first time.

3. First day of school – spray Mom’s perfume on the back of one hand and Daddy’s cologne on the back of the other so that when junior is missing Mommy & Daddy, he can smell his hands and know that Mommy & Daddy are praying for him AND Jesus is right there with them because He loves them so much.  Our prayers are God’s favorite smell anyway (see Psalm 141:2)

4. Those times when YOU drink from the well of living water . . . each time my man or I come home from a retreat, my man shares with #1 son, and I share with Baby Girl. It’s our post-retreat share time. It’s awesome!

5. Go through family photos and share ANYTHING their ancestors did that involved the LORD. My Grandmother taught Sunday school in the local Methodist church in Manassas, Virginia in the 1960’s. Don’t you know that when she went home to be the LORD at 95, my cousins sent her flashcards of Jesus and Bible Stories to me?  I used to use them in my preschool classroom, now I use them in most of my workshops/trainings.

6. A Modern Hope Chest – originally called wedding chests, Americans called them hope chests as in a hope that her dreams of marriage will one day come true. What about the hopes for her future as the bride of Christ? Handmade items are usually the most meaningful, but it should include family photos and a family bible to record her own family history with God. Angels, wall hangings, pictures with scriptures, etc.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one… Talk about His commandments when you sit at home…when you lie down, and when you get up . . . “

Let’s go ahead and address a touchy subject . . . the dress of our daughters. Based on the scripture of 1 Timothy 2:9, “women are to dress modestly.”

When Baby Girl helped to lead the 4th-6th grade “Princesses of the King” Sunday School class at our home church, she chose to follow the standards for herself that met the following criteria:
1. If you have trouble putting it on or off, it’s not modest, and
2. If you bring attention to anything other than your face, it’s not modest.

When our daughters are preoccupied with what their bodies look like, they are less able to appreciate what their bodies enable them to do. Our bodies function as the hands and feet of God to give comfort and healing to others. The real value of our body is to be the vessel for the soul. We must remind our girls often that their bodies enable them to serve God.

In continuing this season of blogging about Sharing Your Faith With Your Family, Stormie Omartian, author of The Power of a Praying Parent, and The Power of a Praying Wife, shares that “Things happen when we pray that will not happen when we don’t.” Pray for your family to have a bold and true faith, then good health. Lift up their friends, their enemies, their opportunities, and then their safety. Ask the LORD to pour out self-control, resilience, and a fine sense of humor. And pray for their judgment, their teachers, and wisdom in handling simple and complicated life situations.

Some other ideas about prayer . . .Use a salt or sugar packet on the car dash or over the sink to pray for someone. It always gets my kids asking, “Who’s that for?” . . . pray for your kids’ teachers during the summer that he/she would have the best teacher chosen by God for them specifically and then whoever you get, you’ll know that he/she was hand-picked by God for your child. Invite your kids to pray for their teachers all year long . . . Pray for favor in the eyes of their teachers and that they’d have good communications with them.

My all-time favorite tweener prayer was that God would “put a Holy Spirit alarm in my child that goes off like a loud, flashing siren whenever he/she steps over the line of what is right in your sight, O Lord.”

Catalyst is a conference experience where each large group session has a speaker that presents challenges of leadership, social justice, and intentional discipleship in the “big church.” Worship is intense, laughter is loud, and the atmosphere of creativity is on overload. I love it!

Here is what I learned . . .

1. Don’t be concerned with being fair, be engaged over the long-run. When we try to be fair and do all for everyone, you get jaded and miss out on the success stories we all need to persevere. “Do for one what you WISH you could do for everyone.” (Andy Stanley)

2. Why do some thrive in chaos and others do not? (Jim Collins)
a. The only mistakes you really learn from are the ones you survive.
b. Bad decisions with good intentions are still bad decisions.
c. The signature of mediocrity is chronic inconsistency.
d. Greatness is the result of conscious choice and discipline.

3. An incredible team and a culture of excellence matter (Dave Ramsey)
a. Do not let life move faster than your resources,
b. Never advance beyond your supply lines,
c. Reach toward a high relational IQ because people matter,
d. Tell the truth,
e. Show up on time,
f. Don’t hire “crazy,” and don’t be “crazy,”
g. Do EvErYtHiNg as unto the LORD

4. Do I really know what I have in Jesus? Since when is Jesus not enough? Since when do I have to supplement the Savior? (Judah Smith)

5. Give of my firstfruits and my vats will be filled (a reminder from the holy scriptures by Blake Mycoskie, founder of TOMS shoes)

6. Fear is vision without hope. (Mark Driscoll)
a. Fear is not always rational, but it is always powerful,
b. Fear is getting what you do NOT want,
c. Fear preaches a false gospel, lifts up a false savior, and offers a false heaven,
d. Fear turns us all in to false prophets

7. We are who we are because someone loved us. (Dr. Cornell West)

8. Folks are leaving the church because (David Kinnaman, President of the Barna Group):
a. They see the church as taking no risks (overprotective)…oh the stories of the apostles and the martyrs
b. They see the church as being anti-science (disconnected)

9. Something’s wrong when I’m in the presence of God and I am doing all the talking. (Priscilla Shirer)
a. There is not near enough space here to share how her presentation challenged and lit a fire under me – I’d have to do lunch with you to even touch the surface.

10. Dont’ work alone (Andy Stanley)
a. I am not responsible to fill someone else’s cup, but rather to empty my own to whomever is around.
b. I am responsible for passing along what I know to somebody else (the act of apprenticing).

I also learn alot about the group I am honored to attend with. These are folks ranging in ages this year from a Junior in high school (who was once in my preschool class, I might add) to a couple of us in our, let’s just say, our 50s. Insightful conversation, loving acceptance, and gracious hospitality.  My cup is filled and ready to be emptied.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down . . . “

Nighttime is an awesome time to share your faith with your family. When my babies were little, the first song I sung to them at night was “Jesus loves you.” Then I took some old time spirituals like “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” and would sing them to bed at night. I had a deep desire for them to be familiar with the tunes and words of the old spirituals. These writings of the saints of old brought peace in the trying times of my life and I wanted that power of old spiritual music to be available to them, as well. It’s been my experience that every situation calls for praise, but every situation doesn’t call for praise music.

I didn’t pray out loud until I had kids. I made a conscious decision that I would not pass on my fear of praying out loud onto them. So I practiced praying out loud at night with each one. We would begin the night we got their big girl/big boy bed because then, we could kneel beside our beds and pray. I taught them to pray with rhymes at first, but at 5 or 6 years old, I chose to teach them to “tag along” their rhymes and just talk as if God was sitting on the bed.

If you are fearful of praying out loud, I encourage you to make it a matter of prayer and get over it. You are missing out on blessing others in a mighty way.

As you continue to try to get over your fear and find yourself in a group of adults, offer to pray first. Then you don’t have to follow anybody. Just be sure, you pray out loud. And practice with your kids. Let them hear you. There is no truer voice than the one lifted to our Maker.